Procrastination is Life’s greatest Enemy 

But it has become my friend, and I am at peace with that.

@9 months ago with 4 notes


I never had a “boys are icky and gross” phase I’ve literally been chasing dick since birth

(Source: flyingvirgin, via thecrazywayyouyellandscream)

@9 months ago with 365099 notes

Dammit, I can’t tell if I like him or if I like the idea of liking him.

A long time ago, during summer, I told my friend that I, at one point in time, had really liked him.

I was drunk.

And was already excepting of the fact that we would probably never


get together.

But after a lot of thinking, and boredness of being alone

My bad, being single,

by choice. I feel like I should muster up the courage,

by way of josé cuérvo,

and try and ask if he wants to hook up no strings attached.

Why hook up?

It would be weird to just ask for a relationship out of the blue.

Granted, I do feel like we would be a good couple,

I mean,

he’s dependant,

and I like to give 200% and expect nothing,

and I usually get nothing.

Plus, for most stuff he’s better at being my rock than my best friend in the whole entire world.

I guess, I’m trying to use this as a way to weight the good and bad.

And its helping me realize that the thirst is real my friends,


So, I’m not worried about it being awkward,

because I’ll be drunk.

Well, let’s push for something along the lines of no inhibitions.

So I’ll be like a kid who touched an open cut knowing it hurts.

I guess I should be paying attention to the fact that I’m trying to hide my fear with alcohol.

Another weakness for another time though.

I dont know what to do,

relationship wise I’ve had crap relationships everytime,

And I feel he can change it,

Or I hope he can.

@9 months ago
#relationships #uh #thinking too much #drunk #hook up #friend #no strings #donttagdecember 

Last time we talked, where was I? … Oh yes, being reckless.

So, life is better.

I’m healthier (in more ways then one).

No more trying to lose my virginity to the wrong guy. (Bad situation)

No more popping tramadol and listening to Kanye. ( I ran out)

and no more binge drinking. (partially cuz it was summer)


I’m doing good

I almost feel good

and hopefully in the near future good shit will happen

this is sounding like good shit to me …

And I ain’t even high.

@11 months ago with 1 note

(so just so you know, TMI on my part) Feels like the first time, feels like the very first time.

Well today was an interesting example of how my life is an epic fail. But, first I have to explain everything that leads up to it. So this guy some how knew I produced music and out of the blue messages me on facebook.

I must preface this with the fact that me and my boyfriend are over, done, finish, and never ever ever getting back together.

So, four days earlier when he sent the first message the first thing I noticed was him and who I assumed (correctly) was his girlfriend in his profile pic. After about three IMs I just gave him my number (because it was easier that way). So we talked mostly about music. After a while I noticed he had a lot of smilies and Lols in his text. Which in my opinion is hilarious because I kept having to beat into my head that he had a girlfriend and it’s unprofessional to flirt with musical talent (until you get them signed). But none the less I realised he was flirting with me. Which just confused the shit out of me. At one point when he had called me we talked about music and he briefly mentioned his girlfriend and talked about a future that involved kids. At that point and time I tried to act strictly professional (which was very hard because he’s really cute). Fast forward to the night of the third day, it all started with him saying he wanted to “get to know me a little better”.

Need I say more.

At around 2 or so in the morning I was presented with a picture of his average sized penis (at least in the picture it looked that way). Slightly shocked (but not surprised) I took the liberty of asking him how his girlfriend felt about this ( because im a pacifist I cant fight a angry girlfriend). And he gave me this whole narrative of how him and her are taking a break but he still loves her and what not. I couldn’t help but feel like I was the other women. I dont like that feeling it’s not good.

Skip forward to about 12 mid day, in his car behind my old elementary school. My hearts racing I have no idea what I got myself into but part of me wanted it. I didnt want to have have sex with him ( and we didnt) but I did suck his dick. For the first time ever in my life I gave a guy oral. And to be honest, I’ve only had the stigma of being a feminist to rely on. But against all the odds I actually did like it. But under the circumstances I felt like a whore and a slut and every other bad name in the book. I felt worse when afterwards he talked about the problems between his girlfriend and did everything short of crying on my shoulder.

And other stuff happend but it’s not important.

But I will forever remember my first blow job in the back of a dodge stratus or whatever with la bamba playin on the radio while we were parked in back of my old elementary school that gave me a crap education.

This is why my life is a pathetic epic fail.

@1 year ago with 1 note
#first time #blow job #bj #sex #cheat #boyfriend #girlfriend #school #music #sad #stupid #shit #sad stupid shit #uh #whore #slut #bitch #bad #awkward #men are dogs #dogs 


I have put together a few of the posts where people have been incredibly smooth

(Source: fronceschi, via twoplustwoisgod)

@9 months ago with 368458 notes

I thought it would be different

I just had sex for the first time.

I was also fully fingered for the first time.


Ive still never made out with a guy.

What the fuck!

So, it wasnt with a guy that I feel any real emotion towards. And I didnt really want to, but he was determined.

That sounds bad.

It felt worse.

The amount of pain I went through fucking sucked. I asked him to be gentle and at least go slower, but apparently his slow is the speed of mache five.

Yes there were good feelings.

Even though I never came. I came very close multiple times but never went over.

But none the less I have mixed feelings. I’m trying to look at it in such an optimistic way but I can’t. I tried to stop him at one point because I felt and, I still feel like, I wasnt ready 18 or not I dont feel like my total consent was given but at the first sign of want, this nigga went and ran with it.

It gets worse because of a lot of stuff but I feel the worse part is that I feel this experience has kind of created a fear of this guy because no matter how many times I opted for something else he still wanted what he wanted. And nothing was getting in between that.

I lost my virginity December Friday the 13 2013.

And I still dont know how I feel about it.

P.S. He didnt use a condom. But thats a whole nother story that has me scared in the mean time I’ll just try and sit normal and act like I don’t think im over thinking it.

@9 months ago with 1 note
#first time sex #first time #virginity #lost virginity #fear #not what i expected #mixed feelings 

So, I woke up at 6 and cant go back to sleep. I looked at my phone and saw that I had a text from a “bad mistake” that I made over the summer. And we haven’t talked since then so im wondering of its his mistake that he texted me around 1:30 in the morning or if it was just oh so important. I mean we do music and maybe he heard about my tour but I don’t know. He’s a really cool guy I just know for a fact that he sorta kinda that guy that cheats on his girlfriend that he loves so much.

@9 months ago

Did i just get turned down for first time sex?

@1 year ago with 1 note
#sex #turned down #damn #well thats a first #first 

No hard feelings

So last night I reached a new low. I decided to take a little “trip” on tramadol and listen to kanye’s new CD. First of all none of that can be healthy for anyone second of all the high made me feel “so” good that I just had to tell someone. One of my really good friends who also happens to be a old crush of mind was my “victim” for the night and I ended up telling him all about how I used to like him. For one he new I was high and lately he’s been my rock to talk about stuff with when it comes to matters of the heart. But, anyways we were talking about how for a while he felt the same. And at first I felt bummed like we could’ve tried it out but then I felt better because I realised that if I would’ve dated him then I would’ve missed out on the love of my life,my current boyfriend. But I feel better knowing that I told him that I used to like him but I dont have those feelings anymore. I feel like one of the many weights on my chest have been lifted off my chest. I’m just taking them off one at a time.

@1 year ago with 2 notes
#feelings #tramadol #trip #high #talk #prose #crush #boyfriend #date #kanye west #kanye #yeezus #feeling better