A long time ago, during summer, I told my friend that I, at one point in time, had really liked him.
I was drunk.
And was already excepting of the fact that we would probably never
But after a lot of thinking, and boredness of being alone
My bad, being single,
by choice. I feel like I should muster up the courage,
by way of josé cuérvo,
and try and ask if he wants to hook up no strings attached.
Why hook up?
It would be weird to just ask for a relationship out of the blue.
Granted, I do feel like we would be a good couple,
and I like to give 200% and expect nothing,
and I usually get nothing.
Plus, for most stuff he’s better at being my rock than my best friend in the whole entire world.
I guess, I’m trying to use this as a way to weight the good and bad.
And its helping me realize that the thirst is real my friends,
THE THIRST IS REAL.
So, I’m not worried about it being awkward,
because I’ll be drunk.
Well, let’s push for something along the lines of no inhibitions.
So I’ll be like a kid who touched an open cut knowing it hurts.
I guess I should be paying attention to the fact that I’m trying to hide my fear with alcohol.
Another weakness for another time though.
I dont know what to do,
relationship wise I’ve had crap relationships everytime,
And I feel he can change it,
Or I hope he can.
@1 day ago
#relationships #uh #thinking too much #drunk #hook up #friend #no strings #donttagdecember
So, life is better.
I’m healthier (in more ways then one).
No more trying to lose my virginity to the wrong guy. (Bad situation)
No more popping tramadol and listening to Kanye. ( I ran out)
and no more binge drinking. (partially cuz it was summer)
I’m doing good
I almost feel good
and hopefully in the near future good shit will happen
this is sounding like good shit to me …
And I ain’t even high.
@1 month ago with 1 note
Well today was an interesting example of how my life is an epic fail. But, first I have to explain everything that leads up to it. So this guy some how knew I produced music and out of the blue messages me on facebook.
I must preface this with the fact that me and my boyfriend are over, done, finish, and never ever ever getting back together.
So, four days earlier when he sent the first message the first thing I noticed was him and who I assumed (correctly) was his girlfriend in his profile pic. After about three IMs I just gave him my number (because it was easier that way). So we talked mostly about music. After a while I noticed he had a lot of smilies and Lols in his text. Which in my opinion is hilarious because I kept having to beat into my head that he had a girlfriend and it’s unprofessional to flirt with musical talent (until you get them signed). But none the less I realised he was flirting with me. Which just confused the shit out of me. At one point when he had called me we talked about music and he briefly mentioned his girlfriend and talked about a future that involved kids. At that point and time I tried to act strictly professional (which was very hard because he’s really cute). Fast forward to the night of the third day, it all started with him saying he wanted to “get to know me a little better”.
Need I say more.
At around 2 or so in the morning I was presented with a picture of his average sized penis (at least in the picture it looked that way). Slightly shocked (but not surprised) I took the liberty of asking him how his girlfriend felt about this ( because im a pacifist I cant fight a angry girlfriend). And he gave me this whole narrative of how him and her are taking a break but he still loves her and what not. I couldn’t help but feel like I was the other women. I dont like that feeling it’s not good.
Skip forward to about 12 mid day, in his car behind my old elementary school. My hearts racing I have no idea what I got myself into but part of me wanted it. I didnt want to have have sex with him ( and we didnt) but I did suck his dick. For the first time ever in my life I gave a guy oral. And to be honest, I’ve only had the stigma of being a feminist to rely on. But against all the odds I actually did like it. But under the circumstances I felt like a whore and a slut and every other bad name in the book. I felt worse when afterwards he talked about the problems between his girlfriend and did everything short of crying on my shoulder.
And other stuff happend but it’s not important.
But I will forever remember my first blow job in the back of a dodge stratus or whatever with la bamba playin on the radio while we were parked in back of my old elementary school that gave me a crap education.
This is why my life is a pathetic epic fail.
@4 months ago with 1 note
#first time #blow job #bj #sex #cheat #boyfriend #girlfriend #school #music #sad #stupid #shit #sad stupid shit #uh #whore #slut #bitch #bad #awkward #men are dogs #dogs
Been doing better with my depression.
Graduated from high school.
Been enjoying my summer.
Been thinking about running away with my boyfriend you know or just have sex with him.
And I’ve been getting ready to self publish a book I’ve been working on for awhile.
@5 months ago with 1 note
#what ive been up to #boyfriend #sex #runaway #college #high school #graduate #book #novel #self publish
Why the fuck do I constantly put myself in these situations and expect not to get hurt. I expect them to respect me as a person when lets face it they never loved me. How the fuck can someone say words with no meaning. I dont understand the disconnect. We spent night after night talking about how much we loved each other and now it means nothing. Six months may mean nothing to you but for me well, I’ll never get that back. I guess I finally know why you’re my first love. Because there will be more. That hurts to say. I admit that I kept falling but the amount of times I picked myself up out weight it. I feel disgusted amd ridiculous. I’m making myself sick I’m goin to go throw up now.
@9 months ago
#pain #hurt #sick #throw up #cheating #disgust #love #heart broken #advantage taking #i almost got throw up on my phone #dammit #fuck #i cant handle this shit #help me #help #depression #worse #anxiety #stress